


The Pros and Cons of Thinking.

by fictitiously



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictitiously/pseuds/fictitiously
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's used to not overthinking anything, but now he doesn't know how to stop.<br/>She's trying her hardest not to think about it, throws herself into any distraction she can find.<br/>Burgess & Ruzek, the aftermath of their kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pros and Cons of Thinking.

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place right after 1.10 At Least It's Justice, with some parts based on the 1.11 promos.

 

 **01:**  
She didn't even have the right. It was ridiculous actually.What did she think would happen? Did she think he'd leave his fiance and it would be that easy.  
 _  
She wasn't fucking thinking. That was the problem._

It was delusional and stupid. He was about to be married. He was in love with someone else. She didn't even know what this was, what she felt. But it's not like it even mattered what she felt anyway.

 _Ruzek was with somebody else. He was happy.  
_  


This was her problem not his. She was the one was delusional enough to think that just because he was concerned for her, meant he had feelings for her. She was stupid for even letting herself start to feel something for him. She wasn't like that. She wasn't a homewrecker. She was an honest person. She was a good person.

But now it was just strange and stunted. She was perpetually uncomfortable and she didn't know how to fix it.  
 _  
_  


 _Maybe he was right, the best thing to do was just not think about it._

But she needed something to distract her. So when Voight needs someone on the inside, she doesn't even think about it. She just volunteers.

 _But not thinking, it's what got her in trouble in the first place._

 

 

\---

 

 

He wishes she didn't do that because now he has to face that fact that he wanted her to. She tells him to forget about it. So he says it's erased from his memory.  
 _  
_  


 _But it's not going to be that easy,_  


He tries to push it out of his mind. He tells himself that she kissed him. That he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't cheat on Wendy. He's a good guy, a good fiance.

  
 _He's trying to ignore the fact that he kissed her back._

He's been trying to act like it never happened. He's trying to pretend that the sick feeling he gets when he thinks about the wedding is just cold feet.  
He tells her the best thing is not to think about things, not to carry things with her.

 _But he's having trouble taking his own advice._

When Olinsky mentions kids, he immediately regrets bringing it up. He can't even think about kids right now. He doesn't even want to think about Wendy right now.

The only thing on his mind is the way he felt when Burgess leaned up and kissed him.

A few days later and he's still trying his hardest to pretend that he isn't always thinking about her.

And when she volunteers to go undercover, he feels sick. Everything she's done for intelligence, she's done with him. He feels helpless knowing he won't be there to protect her.

But Kim's a good cop, she doesn't need protection.

 

 

 

 

**02:**

 

 

 

There's an unnerving silence when she says she'll do it. Voight looks slightly nervous but also impressed.

He pulls her to the side, makes sure that she's positive that she's up for this. "Keep this up and you're gonna go places, Burgess." he tells her and that's the closest thing to a compliment you can get from him.

 

Lindsay's helping her get prepped and she notices him standing in the doorway.  He walks in and leans on the table where she's doing her makeup. 

"You doing alright?" He places his hand on her shoulder, and the look in his eyes is all too familiar. Erin gives her a confused look and says she'll be back in a minute.

 

 

 

 

 

"Fine." she shrugs. She's nervous but she doesn't want to admit it, definitely not to him.  But he's the one who seems nervous.

His hand moves from her shoulder to her hand."Just, be careful. Okay?"

He means well, she knows he does but the whole situation is uncomfortable.

She's trying to forget the fact that she kissed him. She's trying to erase the memory of his hands in her hair, of arms around her waist. She's trying not to think about how she felt when he moved his lips against hers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She laughs and tells him, of course she'll be fine, she's awesome. She's trying to convince herself more than she's trying to convince him.

\---

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone's concerned when one of their own is going undercover.  But seeing her in that tiny little outfit and pounds of make up and knowing she was going to meet Franky Alvarez, one of the most dangerous men in the city, it was going to drive him insane.

Jin has a camera on Burgess' purse and he's watching the surveillance with Antonio. Ruzek's with Olinsky parked in a car across the street.

It doesn't take Al long to realize something's bothering him. He's too nervous to stay still. He's running his hand through his hair, biting his nails, shaking his leg.

Al raises an eyebrow " Trouble at home?"

He sighs. "No. I guess not. " he shrugs. "Not really."

Olinsky doesn't get time to respond. Voights over the radio. "Officer might've been made. Get ready . We might need to go in."

He's the first one at the door.  Gun drawn, ready to bust down the door and bring her out the second they get the okay. 

Voight and Antonio meet him and Olinsky around the front. Halstead, Lindsay, Antonio and Sumner are around back.

Jin's still in the van, giving them directions while watching the surviellance. "There's three other girls in there. But wait, he's letting them go."

Ruzek lowers his gun and tilts his head back in relief. Until Jin starts speaking again.

"Wait, Burgess is still in there. He has a knife to her throat."

 

 

 

 

  
**03:**

They all tell her she has to be relaxed. She has to act normal. So she does. She's been doing alot of pretending lately anyway. How hard can it be? She should be good at it.

She never thought the problem would be that she was too good.

She understood the possibility of being made. She didn't expect her being able to fool this guy so well that he thought she was trying to steal from him.

The knifes to her throat so fast she can't even react. The other girls all run.

 

_And it's absolutely idiotic that all she think of is the fact that she told him she'd be fine._

 

 

 

\---

  
_This can't be real. This was supposed to be simple. Dangerous, but still simple. She wasn't supposed to get hurt. She was supposed to be careful._

Voight doesn't say a thing.

He calls over the radio "We have to get in there."

Voight says wait, Voight says they might have to consider this a hostage situation.  He doesn't give a fuck what Voight's even saying right now.

He just needs her out of there.

He hears Jin mutter "Shit." under his breath.

 

  
_He's getting impatient, he doesn't understand how they can just be standing there. He can't keep quiet anymore._

 

"Are we going to go get her out of there or just sit here and let something happen?"

 

Voight hesitates and doesn't say anything right away.

He's already preparing to break down the door.

"You have to get in there, now." Jin's not even finished speaking before Ruzek has the door flying open.

He's the first up the stairs. They're quiet. They don't announce themselves. They can't if they want her alive.

According to Jin, she's being held in bedroom. He's the first one up the stairs, first one in the apartment, first one in the bedroom with his gun drawn shouting her name. 

 

It happens like a blur. There's a knife to her throat again.

"I'll kill the girl. She tried to steal from me anyway. I'll kill her!"

No one moves. But he realizes something.

She still somehow hasn't been made.

  
_So he uses it._

"We're here to arrest her. So please put the knife down."

Somehow, it works. Alvarez lets her go, almost throws her to Ruzek. Lindsay blocks Alvarez in and cuffs him.

 

 

He catches her and pulls her in. He almost forgets where they are and what's going on around them. He wraps his arms around her and they're still for a moment.

He steps back with his hands still on her shoulders and looks at her. He's staring at her like he's surveying for damage, like he's making sure she's really there and she's really alright.

Olinsky clears his throat and motions for them to head out.

 

 

 

 

 

**04:  
**

She never doubted that they wouldn't be able to get her out of there safely. But she never thought it would happen like that.

 

He's the type that runs on instinct.  
He doesn't believe in over thinking.

 

  
But there he was, under pressure, trying to get her out of a dangerous situation and instead of forcing her out with gunfire, he tricks Alvarez. It was a huge risk. But it was a well-calculated one. She's seen him do so many things out there, but here, he was more thoughtful and determined than she'd ever seen.

 

 

  
_He was like that for her._

  
_But she needs to stop thinking like that._

 

 

She's safe, she's not hurt but she can't help but still shake. She's still nervous, almost embarrassed actually.  She doesn't want to be around everyone. She doesn't want to answer questions yet. She just wants to go home.

 

 

She's sitting at the table in the basement by the cage. She's just sitting there with her head down and her eyes closed.

Part of her actually wants to be alone. There's part of her that needs to calm down, that doesn't want anyone else to see her like this.

But part of her wants him to find her. This is the part that wishes he was next to her right now , telling her everything was going to be alright.

 

 

\---

 

 

 

 

They're wrapping things up and she's nowhere to be found. Everyone thinks she must've went home, that it's too much for her or something.

But they're wrong.

She's actually probably hiding because she's stressed, a little shaken and probably even embarrassed.

But not because she can't handle it.

 

 

 

He wanted to follow her down there the second he noticed she disappeared. But he knew she needed time.

So he finishes up and heads to the locker room.

Olinsky's in there, gathering up his things.

"Ruzek. If someone's on your mind, who's not your fiance, your problem is more than just cold feet. You better figure it out if this other person is worth it, before it's too late."

 

There's no doubt in his mind what he needs to do.

 

 

He finds her exactly where he thought she'd be. She's at the table, sitting there with her arms folded across her chest and her eyes closed.

She hears the footsteps and spins around.

"It's just me." He moves an empty chair closer to her and takes a seat.

She smiles sadly but doesn't say a word.

 

They stay like that for a few minutes. Silent. But Ruzek doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut for too long.

 

 

 

"I've had a gun to my head, I got shot that one time too. But honestly I don't remember being scared until the bullet hit my vest. But.."

 

She lets out a sarcastic laugh and rolls her eyes.

 

"So what your saying is this is no big deal. That I should just be like you and not think about it and I can just forget today and.."

"No."  He grabs her hand and takes a sharp breath. "Today, I was terrified. And lately, lately I've been doing alot of thinking."

He's looking straight at her. "I couldn't let you get hurt."

 

 

\---

 

 

 

 

She doesn't want him down here. She'd rather be alone. She doesn't feel like talking. She doesn't feel like hearing him talk. But then he's there, holding her hand. Telling her he was scared because she was in danger.

 

He's sitting there his eyes burning into her, his hand on hers and all she can think about is everything she's been trying to avoid.

 

  
_So she stops thinking._

He's already moving toward her, she doesn't pull away.  But they hear the footsteps before their lips meet.

 

 

He pulls back.

Lindsay's standing in the doorway, "Burgess. We were looking for you..."

 

"I...I'm okay, I think." she stumbles over her words.

Lindsay smiles awkwardly and tells them both they should head home.

So that's what they do.

**05:**

He goes home and goes to bed. He tries to go to sleep in the bed he shares with the woman he's supposed to be marrying. But he's just lying there awake.

  
_Thinking_.

He's used to being able to say whatever is on his mind. He's used to not doing much thinking, to not carrying things around with him. He's used to not having worries weigh him down, to relying on instinct alone. He usually let's problems work themselves out and they usually do.

 

But this time it wont be that easy. He doesn't know what's going to happen with Burgess. He honestly has no idea. But he does know that he can't this is more than just cold feet.

 

 

\---

 

 

It's been a few days since everything went down with Alvarez and things with Ruzek are even worse than before.

It's turned into complete avoidance. And it's taking a toll on her.

She tries not to think about it but she doesn't know how anymore.

 

  
.

Her shift's ending and Platt corners her with that seem creepily knowing look as before. "You know Burgess, in my time at the desk, I hear things. I hear alot of things, Burgess."

Kim doesn't want to listen. She doesn't care right now. She's not in the mood. So she doesn't respond and turns to walk away.

"He broke off the engagement."

She stops. Platt comes up next to her. "I just thought you should know."

 

 

\---

 

 

 

 

It's been five days since they arrested Alvarez and he's been quiet. He hasn't been making his usual comments, he hasn't been making his dumb jokes. And everyone starts to notice.

Antonio comes up to him in the hallway and tells him that he needs to fix whatever's bothering him.

Erin asks him if he needs to talk. He says he's fine.

 

  
_Everyone knows something's wrong._

Olinsky tells him they need to talk.

 

"So, I stopped by your place last night. But, you're not living there anymore.."

 

"I broke off the engagement three days ago." 

 

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

 

"Sorry."

 

Olinsky laughs. "Dumbass. I don't mean me, Ruzek."

 

 

\---

 

 

 

They've both been clearly avoiding eachother but he runs into her the next day after shift.

It's clear she's intending to walk right past him but he stops her with his hands on her shoulders. "Can we talk ?" He's staring at the ground.

"I guess..." she's trying her hardest to sound uninterested but it doesn't work.

They walk out of the district and just start walking. It's quiet at first.

 

_He obviously wants to tell her. He wants her to know._

_He wants her to know but he doesn't want to come off to eager._

 

 

He doesn't want her to think she caused the break up because he knows how she'll react.

 

He been trying to tell her all week but he keeps analyzing every word he needs to say. So he just started avoiding her instead. But now he needs her to know.

"I moved out. I broke off the engagement a few days ago."

She stops walking. She opens her mouth to react but she doesn't know what to say.

 

 

But there was really nothing else to say. So they don't say anything.

\---

 

 

 

 

She already knew because Platt told her.

But she needed to hear it from him.

 

 

A million thoughts ran through her mind wondering why he didn't tell her right away. But then she see's the way he looks when he finally does break the news. He's nervous but he's relieved. He looks happy.

She doesn't know what to say, how to react.

So she doesn't say anything. She moves toward him and it's almost like deja vu. Except there's no pulling away this time.

_There's nothing else to think about._


End file.
